jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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