just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
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I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
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