The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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