i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
