He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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