I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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