my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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