i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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