i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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