does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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