____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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