Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
