If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
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