Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
