From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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