Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
