stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Blood and glitter go together right?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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