I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
