No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize