Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
