then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
