he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize