just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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