Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
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Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
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Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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