one two three fourrrrnication!
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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