You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
