okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
