she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
