I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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