i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
