I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
