Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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