At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
