the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
