I'm eating all of the evidence.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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