she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
