Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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