I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
