ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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