I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
