i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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