and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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