At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
