Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
