how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Randomize
