I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
