I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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