You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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