I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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