So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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