I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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