The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
