no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
