what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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