I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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