My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
