woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
