I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
