also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
