You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
