Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
