Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
